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A few words and a spell checking poem
Spell checking poem
I have a speling chequer.
It came with my pea sea.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it's weigh.
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when I rime.
Each frays come posed up on my screen
eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Bee fore a veiling checker's
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we're lacks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.
Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flair,
Their are no fault's with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a ware.
Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped word's fare as hear.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaw's are knot aloud.
Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays,
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting too pleas.
-- Sauce Unknown
How to keep a healthy level of insanity
At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'
Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights Up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
Don't use any punctuation
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.
Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do."
Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity.... Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.
OXYMORORNS
Creation science - christian right - biblical truths - religious tolerance - Microsoft Works - passive agression - airline food - alone together - British fashion - business ethics - plastic glasses - pretty ugly - postal worker - military intelligence - freezer burn - jumbo shrimp - junk food - student teacher - advanced BASIC - bittersweet - peace force - found missing - genuine imitation - good grief - government organization - legally drunk - living dead - soft rock - taped live - temporary tax increase - terribly pleased - tight slacks - political promise - athletic scholarship - small fortune - educational television - down escalator - congressional ethics - rap music - minor disaster - 12 ounce pound cake - working vacation - resident alien - safe sex - same difference - sanitary landfill - small crowd - childproof - clearly misunderstood - definite maybe - exact estimate - Power Mac - non-stop flight - planned serendipity - even odds - old news - terribly nice - negative growth - going nowhere - random order
Fun
Businesses Against Poverty (BAP) is a group of businesses and business individuals who want to support the reduction of international poverty and change the lives of others, through registered charity Robin Hood Ministries. BAP engage with the plight of the worlds poor by investing in strategic projects that will empower, equip and enable communities to prosper and so breaking the cycle of poverty.
Dorothy House work as a team to provide care and support, free of charge, for patients with any condition which is life threatening. Over 90% of patients have cancer, but we also help patients with motor neurone disease and other neurological conditions, heart and lung disease and AIDS. Trained volunteers are also an important part of the team, both at the hospice in Winsley and out in the community.
The Home Farm Trust is a national charity providing long term support for people with learning disabilities and their families. People with learning disabilities and their families need excellent, high quality, friendly support and advice. Over 45 years HFT have developed into a progressive organisation pioneering many areas of research and service provision to help people live the lives they want.
Julian House is the leading provider of services to single homeless men and women in Bath & North East Somerset and West Wiltshire. Although Julian House is not a large organisation the challenge that faces it is significant. Providing a bed is the relatively easy part of its work. Much more difficult is the task of identifying why its clients are in this situation and then finding the right solutions.